Professional Intimate Relationships
By: Gary Polsky (http://www.
“Professional Intimate Relationships” form the fabric of your life. Think of the long-term colleagues you’ve worked with who have shared your vision for life and have helped you maintain a positive outlook throughout your working years. Retirement shouldn’t bring an end to all of these energizing professional relationships – the ones that boost you up and trigger your creative juices. But in order to transfer these relationships across the many careers and stages of your life, you need to cultivate them from pure business contacts to Professional Intimate Relationships, or PIRs.
One way to raise the relationship status from mere boardroom partners to PIRs is to really get to know your colleagues. Find out what their interests are and use shared interests to bond outside of the office. To get to know someone, you must really listen to what they are saying. This means listening with your whole self. Put aside the cell phone, turn off the to-do list scrolling in your head, and offer what Stephen Covey calls “psychological air.” An agenda-less presence demonstrates, in the words of Aretha Franklin, R-E-S-P-E-C-T. It’s something everyone craves — and by consistently showing that you value your colleagues’ insights and care about their unique needs, you can satisfy that hunger and move from co-workers to friends.
Developing a friendship outside the office walls is the first step to weaving the fabric of relationships that form your support system. Like threading the needle, this new relationship will guide you into a deepening trust. Now, you must hand tend this budding relationship. The soul-to-soul listening will help you get to know the person well. Remember, building a relationship is in the details. Knowing a person’s favorite football team is just as important to the relationship as knowing his or her career title. Keep a calendar for birthdays and anniversaries and be sure to celebrate together!
Once you have developed a solid foundation, it’s time to start tying your paths together. Look for opportunities that you think may be of interest to your potential PIR. If your PIR is a golfer and you find out about an opening in your charity golf league, by all means recommend for him or her to join. Find ways to work together outside of the office, even if it is not on a business topic. By truly listening to your PIRs, you will know their hopes and dreams and be able to assist them in turning their dreams into reality should the opportunity arise.
Drawing your PIRs into your vision for life and creating shared, long-term goals will create lasting relationships. Share your passionate abstraction with your colleagues and find out what makes them tick. Be each other’s sounding boards and assist each other in creating a new vision for life – a vision that will extend well beyond retirement. The tapestry you weave together with the people and experiences you create is the masterpiece of your life and will buoy you in the decades to come.